What do birth mothers want when choosing an adoptive family for their child? The answer seems simple: a loving family that will provide endless opportunities for their child. While that may be true, the details as to what makes a birth mom choose one family over the other is much less obvious. In fact, it’s quite difficult to pinpoint one specific quality that will put your profile ahead of another in a birth mom’s eyes.
The Small Details
Every birth mom is different and has a unique set of standards and expectations that she has for the adoptive family who will love and raise her baby. For some birth mothers, choosing a family that lives nearby is essential. For others, they want their baby to have siblings. Sometimes it’s the small details that determine the outcome.
For example, maybe the family has a dog. If the birth mother was also raised with one, this fact will cause the family to be more appealing. Maybe the adoptive dad reminds her of her own father.
Adoptive Parent Profiles
No two situations are the same as every adoption specialist will tell you, and, unfortunately, there is no secret recipe for creating a profile that will guarantee you a match. But even so, here are some key points to keep in mind while creating your adoptive parent profiles:
- Your relationship: Many birth mothers choose adoption because she doesn’t feel that her home life is stable or healthy enough to raise her. Many of these women want a two parent household for their child. To showcase your relationship, include a section where each spouse or partner describes the other. This will not only show the love you each have for each other, but will also give the birth mother a glimpse at each person’s personality.
- Your family: A stable home life doesn’t necessarily mean a “two-parent household” and can mean many different things. Birth moms are ultimately looking for a supportive family unit, whether it includes two parents or one. Pictures of your family gatherings that show the whole family—including grandparents, siblings, cousins, etc.— will show your potential birth mother match that you will provide an extended network of love and support for her baby.
- Your hobbies: Whether your hobby is hiking, playing chess, or traveling, pictures and descriptions of the fun things you will do as a family are important to showcase. Birth mothers are hoping to give their child a life full of adventures and experiences they would be unable to provide.
- Your everyday life: Birth mothers want to be able to picture their child in the family they choose. Include pictures of your home and your daily life. Describe what an average day in your house looks like, and how you will shape your life with your child in it. Include the activities you plan to do with your child—maybe going to mommy and me music classes, or your plans to teach the child how to play baseball.
- Your values: Because birth moms won’t likely be involved in the day-to-day life of the baby, they typically want to know that the family they choose will raise their baby with good values. Share your thoughts and opinions on raising children and your core values. If you are religious, mention how you will raise your baby according to your chosen faith. If you follow a restricted diet for ethical reasons (i.e. vegetarian or vegan), describe how that affects your views on parenthood and raising children. You don’t have to describe every minor detail, but giving your prospective birth mom an idea of how her child will be shaped will draw her to your profile.
What Birth Mothers Look For
The most important factor in choosing an adoptive family will be how a birth mother feels her baby will fit into a family, but including unique details about your family and what you can provide will make your profile stand out. For example, maybe education is very important to her or she wants her baby to grow up bilingual, she may be looking for a bilingual family or a family in a top rated school district. Whatever little details about your life and family that may seem uninteresting to you, may be the deciding factor for a birth mother.
More than anything a birth mother wants opportunity for her child. She wants love and acceptance. She is looking for a family that she feels will provide her baby the life she didn’t think she could give. Your goal when making this profile is to convey the message to your prospective birth mom that you are ready to love and cherish the baby she will give you. The best way to convey this message is to write her a letter. Connecting with your potential birth mom is the best way to make a match.
Stay True to You
Creating an adoptive parent profile is not a walk in the park. It can be challenging considering the amount of variable in a birth mother’s decision. But if you are honest and open about your life and your expectations, a birth will see the love that you hold and decide to choose you to become a parent. Staying true to yourself is the only way to ensure you have the best profile out there.
Adoption Choices of Nevada
If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of Nevada. You may visit the website here or contact us by 775-825-4673 (Reno Office) or 702-474-4673 (Las Vegas Office). Our hours are Monday through Friday, 9am-5pm PST.
Make an Impact
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Devon Thornton is a graduate of the University of Central Florida with a Bachelor’s in Creative Writing. She has recently moved from Orlando, FL to Clarksville, TN, and is pursuing her writing career with Adoption Choices and also writing personal essays in her free time. Devon is an avid reader and a big Harry Potter fan.
When she’s not curled up reading a book, you can find her somewhere on a hike or a camping trip. She loves her cat, Minerva, and considers herself a true animal lover. She hopes one day to publish a book of essays and to maybe meet J.K. Rowling.
“A Birth Mom’s View of Adoptive Parents’ Profiles.” Birth Mom Blog, 29 Oct. 2009, birthmoms.blogspot.com/2009/10/birth-moms-view-of-adoptive-parents.html.
“Adoption Profiles From a Birth Mother’s Point Of View.” Adoption STAR, 9 June 2011, adoptionstar.com/adoption-profiles-from-a-birth-mothers-point-of-view/.
“What Birthmothers Look for in Adoptive Parent Profiles.” Angel Adoption, Angel Adoption, Inc., 6 June 2016, www.angeladoptioninc.com/blog/what-birthmothers-look-for-in-adoptive-parent-profiles/.
“What Do Birthmothers Look For In Adoptive Parents: 25 Answers.” America Adopts, 30 Apr. 2016, www.americaadopts.com/what-a-birthmother-looks-for-in-adoptive-parents-25-resources/.