How can you fully express your gratitude for all she did? For her sacrifice and selflessness? Without her, you wouldn’t be holding your precious bundle of joy right now. Your heart wouldn’t feel this full, and you can’t remember the last time you smiled this much. She has helped repair a deep wound in your heart, and you’d give anything to return the favor. Is there a way to say thank you to your child’s birth mother?
Yes! It’s very possible. In fact, it’s something that Adoption Choices of Nevada is frequently asked by caring adoptive families. Here is a developing resource on some things you can say to your child’s birth mother that relay thanks and give her a sense of comfort and peace.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
As the old adage goes, there are two sides to every story. The path to adoption is all too often paved with grief and heartache, for adoptive parents as well as the birth parents. Whether this means multiple miscarriages, the inability to conceive or another fertility issue, accepting that you can’t build your family biologically isn’t an easy pill to swallow. Sharing your journey with the birth mother can help you and her find common ground, bond and build a relationship. It may also open the door to helping her heal after the adoption process.
Adoptive parents don’t generally focus on the birth mother’s pain post placement. Understandably so, as they are adjusting to their new son or daughter. But, whenever possible, acknowledging her loss amidst your joy is incredibly helpful and humbling. It lets her know that you care. That she matters, and that you understand she may need some space before getting involved.
“Your child is happy, healthy and safe.”
This is arguably one of the most powerful statements a birth mother can hear. It quiets some of their darkest fears, and reaffirms that she made the right decision. She doesn’t have to worry about her child growing up not feeling appreciated, valued or loved. Instead, she can find peace and comfort. Just knowing this does wonders to her healing process, and helps her move on a little bit easier. She can breathe a sigh of relief that her child is in good hands.
A birth mother’s grieving process is complex. It’s a continuous cycle that never fully goes away. Her life is forever changed with her decision, and she has to live out the rest of her days with it. However, if she knows that her child is doing well and thriving, this can help combat any negative thoughts and questions that pop into her head.
“We wouldn’t be the family we are today without you.”
Remember the day the doctor came into the room and said that you’d never be parents? Look at the bundle in your arms. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Maybe it wasn’t the way you had always dreamed, but you kept moving forward. Kept clinging to the dream of being a parent one day — and what happened? You blazed a new path to parenthood, and you succeeded!
Even though this may seem obvious, always remember how your child came into your lives. You’d be surprised how easy it is to allow life to sweep you along that you forget to say thank you to your child’s birth mother. That you forget to acknowledge her presence, and how important she is. As soon as you get the chance, say this to her. Express how thankful you are and that, without her, you wouldn’t be the family you are today.
“Thank you for choosing life.”
It’s important to note that not every pregnancy is a joyful event. Unexpected pregnancies, for instance, can turn a birth mother’s world upside down. Whether she doesn’t have a supportive family, or doesn’t feel qualified to be a parent, discovering the life growing inside of her can evoke feelings of hopelessness and panic. For this reason, and others, not all birth mothers choose adoption or life. Their decision, however, doesn’t make them any less mothers. They chose what they felt they had to.
Choosing life and adoption is huge. It is not an easy one to come to, and takes lots of sacrifice. So, if you’re looking for a way to say thank you to your child’s birth mother, this is an excellent way to do that. It acknowledges her choice, and shows her that you are understand the weight of what she did.
Bonus: Other Ways to Say Thank You
If you aren’t sure exactly what to say, or how to put your emotions into words, that’s ok. Simply saying “thank you” by itself is still meaningful. Adding a small phrase like the ones below are also appropriate and greatly appreciated:
- Thank you…
- …from the bottom of our hearts
- …for choosing us
- …for helping our dreams come true
How to Say Thank You
We love hearing how often our adoptive parents think about their child’s birth mother. How much they wish they could say thank you to her, or try and convey the joy they feel in some way. Through the wonder of open adoption, adoptive parents are getting that opportunity more and more nowadays! We are seeing so much positivity and healing come from both sides with this amazing change in the industry, and are excited to see what happens next!
Saying thank you to your child’s birth mother may seem like a small thing. It’s easy to forget about it in the maze of moving pieces that is the adoption process. But, if you find yourself thinking about her as your son or daughter grows — tell her. Those two words are powerful, and they can have such a huge impact.
Adoption Choices of Nevada
If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of Nevada. You may visit the website here or contact us by 775-825-4673 (Reno Office) or 702-474-4673 (Las Vegas Office). Our hours are Monday through Friday, 9am-5pm PST.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.
In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Adoption Choices Inc.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.
Adoptimist.com. “What Every Adoptive Parent Longs To Tell Their Childs Birth Mom: Adoptimist.” Adoptimist.com, www.adoptimist.com/adoption-blog/what-every-adoptive-parent-longs-to-tell-their-childs-birthmom#.XVsGjHtlCUk.
“Words to My Child’s Birthparents.” RainbowKids.com, www.rainbowkids.com/adoption-stories/words-to-my-child-s-birthparents-522.