How to Write a Letter to Your Birth Child

Writing a letter to your birth child can be a tough process to go through. What do you even say to him or her? How can you get everything you felt during the adoption process out, and have it make sense, but not be overwhelming? The simple truth is, it is hard to sit down and write a letter when you aren’t even sure where to start it. 

When it comes to writing a letter at Adoption Choices of Nevada, we want you to be able to do what feels right to you. A letter can be written at any time of the adoption process, but many birth mothers have found that writing it after placement helps them start their healing process. 

Oftentimes, starting a letter is the hardest part. This is a guide to how to write a letter to your birth child.  

Tips for Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child 

Starting a letter is going to be the hardest part. Where do you even begin? Don’t worry. We’ve got some ideas for you. You don’t have to put everything in your letter. This is just a jumping-off point, but you can put anything you feel is right in your letter. 

Here are some things you can include in your letter: 

• Speak from the heart. Don’t worry about being formal. Speak as if you are talking to your birth child in person. Be open and honest in a way that feels comfortable for you and let them get a feel for you as a person. This letter should feel as if it’s coming from a place of love and care. 

• Be truthful. Be honest with them. Let them know why you chose to place him or her for adoption and explain your reasoning. This could be anything from you weren’t in a place to be a parent yet to you simply couldn’t afford to be a parent, even if you wanted to be one. No matter the reason, just be honest with them. Make sure you include that your choice came from a place of love. 

• Be honest about your feelings. Make sure you convey how you felt during the adoption process. However, don’t focus on the negative emotions that you felt. While those are perfectly valid to have, it can be hard to make it come across that they weren’t the focus in a letter. That doesn’t mean you can’t mention them, though. The adoption process is full of ups and downs, after all, and it is important to let your birth child know it wasn’t always a good time. 

• Include family history. Talk about your family and who they are in the letter. Let your birth child know about how your family does holidays and other traditions. This is a good place to introduce him or her to any siblings they may have or aunts and uncles. If you know where your family is from, then this is a good place to add it in. 

• Talk about your life. Tell your birth child a little about who you are and how much you’ve grown through your adoption journey. Include what you love to do in your free time or what you do when you’re feeling down. Just let him or her know about who you are as a person. 

• Talk about their birth family. This is, of course, going to include you, but, if you feel comfortable, mention the birth father. Maybe he is still in the picture, or maybe he isn’t. Don’t get too negative here if he isn’t around, but mention him. It helps form a picture of where the adoptee is from and includes what you know about the birth father in a positive light. 

• Don’t apologize. This sounds a little counterintuitive, doesn’t it? While you may be sorry that you can’t be the one to parent him or her, remember why you did it. Adoption takes a massive amount of courage and there is nothing to be sorry for. Remind them that you did this out of all the love you felt. Never apologize for when you made this choice out of selfless love for them. 

• Try not to write a novel. Try not to make this letter too long. Probably don’t want to have a tiny novel for a letter. 

Concluding Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child

When it comes to writing a letter, it can be hard to even start. Just remember to be yourself and don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect. Write down what you feel is important for the adoptee to know. That is going to be how you truly write a letter to your birth child. Be honest and open about how you feel and let them know how much you love them. While you may not be their parent, you will always be their birth mother who loves them to the moon and back. 

Adoption Choices of Nevada has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can also call us to speak to someone now. Contact Us 24/7: 855-940-4673 (Toll-Free) | 702-474-4673 (Las Vegas) | 775-825-4673 (Reno) | 775-738-4673 (Elko) | 775-884-4673 (Carson City).

Meet the Author: Tia Kitchens is a college graduate with a B.S in Psychology from Capella University who has always had a passion for three things: animals, writing, and mac ‘n cheese. Two of these three are things she has based her work around. Animals are a big impact on her life due to her love for helping others through difficult situations. Through her studies, she has found the human-animal bond is strong enough to help others. This, paired with her writing, helps her record her findings and teach others through her words.

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