As a birth mother, you’re in charge of hand-picking your child’s adoptive parents. You go through the various profile books of potential families, but there’s a downside the viewing them virtually – the emotional aspect is lacking. Prospective adoptive parents can sound lovely on paper, but, when it comes to figuring out who they truly are, you need to hear from them in-person.

If there is an option to meet prospective adoptive parents before placement, you should come prepared with questions. You’re interviewing them, after all. The goal is to find a family you feel comfortable around and who is the best fit for your baby. So, how do you go about discovering this?

Adoption Choices of Nevada is here to help you do just that! We created a list of beneficial questions to ask adoptive parents.

Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents

There are plenty of questions to ask adoptive parents. More than enough, in all honesty. That said, we broke each one down and separated them by category. Because everyone’s adoption journey is unique, not every question will apply to you. However, we feel that these provide a great resource and way to get you started. Don’t feel pressured to ask every question. Instead, concentrate on the ones that relate to your wants and requirements for your child’s future family. Feel free to ask as many or as few questions as you feel comfortable with.

General Questions

• Can you tell me about yourself?
• What do you do for a living?
• Do you enjoy your work?
• What are some of your hobbies?
• What is your relationship like with your significant other?
• What is your typical week like?

Adoption-Specific Questions

• Why do you want to adopt?
• What do you believe makes a good parent?
• Are you familiar with adoption?
• Have you adopted before, or know of anyone who has previously adopted?
• Will my baby have any brothers or sisters? Cousins?
• What are your parents and siblings like?
• Is your family supportive of your decision to adopt?
• Are you supportive of open adoption?
• What is your neighborhood/town like?
• Do you get parental leave after a placement? What will child care be like if you go back to work?
• How will you explain and talk about adoption to your child?

Practical & Family Questions

• What is your health like?
• How do you feel about vaccines?
• If my baby has special needs, how will you react?
• Do you have any chronic illnesses in your family?
• How will your family be involved in your child’s life?
• Do you have a good pediatrician lined up?

Bonus Questions/Fun Questions

• What does a typical day look like for you?
• What kind of things do you, as a family, do for fun?
• Do you have pets?
• Where do you see your family in the next five years? Do you want more kids or just the one(s) you have now?
• What kind of music do you like?

Big Questions

• Will you love my baby unconditionally?
• What kind of relationship are you interested in having with me after the adoption is finalized?

Questions to Avoid

Of course, there are things that are best left between your caseworker and the adoptive parents. One of the topics that shouldn’t be brought up during the interview is how they can help you with housing, medical bills, and other things of that nature. Leave getting that information to your caseworker! Asking these questions could make everyone involved a little uncomfortable, and your goal during this interview is to get to know your child’s potential adoptive parents in the best way possible.

Another topic to avoid is infertility. If the adoptive parents want to share that with you, they will. Infertility is an emotional and unfortunate aspect of life to process, so it’s best left to your caseworker to learn of the adoptive parents’ reasoning behind adoption. The same goes for women who have had miscarriages. Their journey is one they may share later, so let them share it at their own pace. In the same respect, they shouldn’t be asking you why you decided to place your child for adoption.

Each interview will most likely feel awkward and a little tense. Don’t worry! It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. As awkward as you feel, the prospective adoptive parents do, too. Just remember that these interviews are a vital part of the adoption process. In the end, your main goal is to find you and your baby’s perfect match.

Questions to Ask Adoptive Parents 

Remember during all of this that it’s important to go into each interview with an open mind. Also, don’t forget to take a deep breath. Before you meet the potential adoptive parents, give your arms a good shake to alleviate nerves. After that, remind yourself that they’re probably just as nervous as you are.

There are plenty of topics to cover during your first meeting with the potential adoptive parents. Cover what you feel is most important to you. It doesn’t have to be on the list, as that’s just a suggestion. Do what makes sense to you and feels right. That’s how you’ll find the perfect family for you and your baby.

Adoption Choices of Nevada

Adoption Choices, Inc. is a private, non-profit adoption agency licensed by the state and leader in the adoption community. We have been assisting birth parents, children, and adoptive parents since 2002. Our staff has a genuine commitment to providing an empathetic, empowering, and progressive experience to all involved in the adoption process.  If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact Adoption Choices of Nevada. You may visit the website here or contact us by 775-825-4673 (Reno Office) or 702-474-4673 (Las Vegas Office). Our hours are Monday through Friday, 9am-5pm PST.

Support Adoption Choices

Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.

However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.

About the Author

Tia Kitchens is a college graduate with a B.S in Psychology from Capella University who has always had a passion for three things: animals, writing, and mac ‘n cheese. Two of these three are things she has based her work around. Animals are a big impact on her life due to her love for helping others through difficult situations. Through her studies, she has found the human-animal bond is strong enough to help others. This, paired with her writing, helps her record her findings and teach others through her words.

She is excited to join Adoption Choices as an Editorial Intern because she’s wanted to adopt since she was little, and is excited to learn about the industry and the adoption journey.

Her goal is to make a change in the world with her words and end up on someone’s inspiration Pinterest board! Being a key quote on someone’s Pinterest board it shows her words have a huge impact on people. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but if that picture is just words it surely means more that way! To learn more about her, follow her on Twitter and Instagram!

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Sources: 

Adoptions, Lifelong. “LifeLong Adoptions Blog.” LifeLong Adoptions, www.lifelongadoptions.com/9-for-birthmothers/138-questions-every-birthmother-should-ask-adoptive-parents.

McNaughton, Jessie. “13 Questions Birth Moms Should Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents.” 13 Questions Birth Moms Should Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents, www.adoptfamilyconnections.org/blog/birth-mom-questions-for-adoptive-parents.