Top 5 Questions to Ask Intended Parentsduring the Surrogacy Matching Process
So, you have decided to become a surrogate. You have met the requirements, and now you are ready for the exciting part — the matching process! This is where you will meet and interview prospective intended parentsand choose who you want to work with over the course of the surrogacy journey.
The thought of talking to strangers may feel intimidating to you, but don’t worry. Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Nevadais here to help. We understand that choosing to be a surrogateis already a lot to take in, and the matching process may seem nerve wracking. But, talking to prospective intended parents is an important part of helping hopeful couples and individuals grow their family through surrogacy.
If you aren’t sure what questions to ask intended parents, here are five to get you started.
- Why did You Choose Surrogacy?
This is a great question to ask intended parents. It is not only a direct question, but it will give you insight as to how they arrived at gestational surrogacy. It will reveal their struggles and provide you with a deep understanding of why they chose this path. Maybe surrogacy was not their first option. Maybe this is their last chance to have a child who is biologically related to them.
Some of the intended parents you speak with may open up to you and share their story. Others may be more reclusive, but that is okay. Asking this question is a great first step. After all you and the intended parents are barely getting to know each other at this point.
- How Involved do You Want to be during Pregnancy?
Maybe the intended parentslive in another state, or work keeps them busy. As a surrogate, you should know how much the intended parents want to be involved during the pregnancy. Do they want to attend every doctor’s appointment? Or would they prefer frequent updates over the phone or virtually on FaceTime or Skype? Even though the intended parents won’t be the one carrying their child, the chance to see ultrasounds and hear his or her heartbeat for the first time is huge. For intended parents, these moments help them see that their dream is coming true.
It’s important for you, as a surrogate, to know what you are comfortable with too. If you are uneasy about the intended parents coming into more private doctor’s visits, you may need to re-evaluate if you and the intended parents are a good match. To ensure that you both have a successful surrogacy journey together, it’s vital that you are all on the same page.
- Would You Like to be Present for the Birth?
The day their new son or daughter is born will be a much anticipated event for the intended parents. They will, undoubtedly, want to be at the hospital when you go into labor. However, this could mean a couple different things, so it’s important to get clarity and to know where you are most comfortable as well.
Are the intended parents okay with waiting in the lobby until after the delivery? Or do they want to be in the delivery room with you? Do they want to cut the umbilical cord and be the first to hold their baby, or will that be someone else?
All of these details and more are essential to outline and discuss as you are getting to know prospective intended parents.
These details help you have another type of understanding with the intended parents. Remember the birth of the baby is an important event for everyone involved.
- How do You Picture the Relationship between Us Going After the Baby is Born?
Intended parents will never forget the great gift you have given them, and it is safe to say you will always hold a special place in their hearts. That said, some may not choose to maintain a close relationship with you after the baby is born. This can be for a variety of reasons. Maybe your intended parents live in another state. Perhaps your schedules don’t mesh well, or they simply don’t wish to have future contact.
Whatever their reason, asking prospective intended parentsafter life after the baby is born is a personal decision between all of you. If you all agree to continue to develop a relationship together, what will that look like? Visits on special holidays? Will you get invited to the child’s birthday? What will the child refer to you as?
- What Do You Like to Do for Fun?
While it’s crucial to learn the more serious details about the intended parents’, and their motivations for why they choose gestational surrogacy, don’t be afraid to throw in a fun question during the matching process. This can be used in the beginning of your conversation to eliminate any awkwardness or nervousness and be a great way to break the ice.
So, never be shy about asking about their hobbies, traditions, likes and dislikes and what they look forward to most about being a parent. Not only will this reveal your own personality, but it will also show you what values you and the intended parents have in common. After all, you’ll be spending nine months together, so it would be good for you all to get along and share in the excitement of the surrogacy journey together.
Questions for Surrogates to Ask Intended Parents
Getting to know prospective intended parentscan be nerve wracking, and you can feel unsure of what to ask or where to begin when first meeting them. But it doesn’t have to be! While the above resource is non-exhaustive, we do hope that it gives you a good starting point and helps ease any anxiety you feel about entering in the matching process.
The surrogacy journey may seem long and hard, but with the right match it’ll be a great experience.
Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Las Vegas has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across in Las Vegas since 2012. For information more general to Nevada, please visit our mother site Adoption Choices of Nevada. For information specific to Reno, please visit our sister site Adoption and Surrogacy Choices of Reno. You can also call us to speak to someone now. Contact Us 24/7: CALL OR TEXT 702-474-4673
Meet the Author: Paola Marquez is the author and writer of her personal blog. Ever since she was little, she has always been interested in creative writing. Paola has over 3 years of experience in professional writing focusing more on personal writing and a lifetime of experience as a bookworm.
Paola is currently a student at the University of Texas at El Paso, her major is Multimedia Journalism with a minor in Creative Writing. She currently lives in El Paso, Texas along with her family and her adorable Pug named Bruno.
Growing up in a border city and being bilingual has given her the opportunity to understand different points of views. She believes that it is important as a journalist to have the ability to be in someone else’s shoes in order to deeply understand different situations, emotions and ideas different from hers.
When Paola is not writing she is reading over and over again her favorite books such as “The Chosen”by Chaims Potok and “Henry and June” by Anaïs Nin. While she has a passion for cooking and experimenting in the kitchen, it does not compare to her dedication and love that she has for her writing.