Parents, you have one of the hardest jobs in existence. Not only do you have the authority to raise a child and influence who him or her will grow up to be, you also could just as easily damage or destroy a child through the same measure. Quite a sobering thought, when you think about it. It’s no wonder that there’s so much stress and anxiety that comes with parenthood.
However, all is not lost. In fact, worrying over what kind of parent you’ll be, and knowing which kind you don’t want to be, actually shows you have all the top tips to successful parenting within you. All you have to do now is unpack those traits, and learn how to use them appropriately.
Adoption Choices of Nevada is here to help you do that. We’ve compiled a valuable resource that contains several of these traits and qualities. Read on to see which ones you already have, and what other ones you could acquire.
Tip #1: Flexibility
Let’s start off with a big tip for successful parenting. Being flexible when raising children is paramount. Go easy on yourself when you mess up, or when your children do. Mistakes happen. Over and over again. It’s part of life, and it’s how we learn. How else do we know what works and what doesn’t? What’s right and wrong? Allow yourself the time needed to process, adjust and move forward. Don’t hold grudges or beat yourself up. You haven’t failed as a parent.
Flexibility lessens stress and anxiety levels when emergencies pop up. When something happens out of order. Keeping your children on a short leash is good for some scenarios, but not overall success as a parent. Successful parents know how to harness flexibility the correct way. That is, when to rein in, when to loosen and allow a learning experience and when to let go.
Tip #2: Sense of Perspective
Successful parents know how to take one day at a time. Even one hour at a time, as some days may require. They have learned the art of understanding to take situations as they come, and to keep a positive outlook overall. In other words, a top tip of successful parenting is having a sense of perspective. To not fret over the little things, and keep your focus on the bigger picture.
Setting and maintaining clear expectations can help your child follow in your footsteps with this. Routines can establish a balance and order. So, when things get tough or chaos ensues, returning to a predictable routine induces calm. Your response to change will also enable your child to see what things matter and what doesn’t. It will help them form their own perspective about life.
Tip #3: Acceptance
Here’s another important top tip to successful parenting. Parents — especially adoptive parents — need to be accepting of their son or daughter. To understand and recognize your child’s past trauma, and the life lived before you. That your child will need time to process and heal. Not only this, but adoptive parents also need to accept your child for who they are. No matter what.
Acceptance speaks to a core issue that many adoptees face on a daily basis. The idea that they will be rejected, or are unwanted because they were given up for adoption. Adoptive parents should be sensitive to this, and start each day fresh and with a clean slate. To be patient, show affection and tell your child how much you love and care for them. How happy you are that they are a member of your family. That no matter who they are, or who they become, that you are in their corner.
Tip #4: Patience
Have you ever walked through the grocery store and passed by a mother screaming at her kids? Her face is red, her hair disheveled and she’s bellowing about how if they don’t behave she’ll never take them out in public again. Unfortunately, this is an all too-frequent occurrence. It shows how challenging a parent’s job truly is.
Good and bad days will happen, and there are healthy and unhealthy ways to handle it all. Remember that your son or daughter is still young. They don’t have all the wisdom and years of experience you do. Have patience. Teach and guide them. Love them through the ups and downs. If you truly can’t handle it, stop. Take a deep breath. Call someone in your support system, and ask them to cover over and give you a break. Do your utmost to maintain yourself until help arrives. Then, escape to someplace quiet, release and regroup.
Moments of frustration are natural. Every parent has them. But that doesn’t mean you should come loose in front of your kids. Reprimand and discipline, yes. Yell and scream, no. Behavior is learned. The more your children see you frazzled, the lower their conflict-resolution skills and the higher their disrespect for authority. Displaying patience under pressure, however, will teach your children strength of will and help them model the same behavior.
Tip #5: Consistency / Stability
Similar to how having a predictable routine can teach your children about a sense of perspective, displaying consistency and stability will ensure your son or daughter that they are safe and secure at home. Knowing what to expect provides comfort, particularly in the younger years. When your child is an infant, they need to know that their needs will be met. So, having consistent eating, sleeping, and play times.
Having consistent parenting techniques and discipline strategies is also important. It promotes trust. Your child is more apt to form a strong sense of loyalty and attachment if you don’t waiver in how you handle certain actions and behaviors. As they grow up, they will learn the difference between right and wrong, healthy and unhealthy decisions this way as well.
Tip #6: Open Mind
The world we live in today has so much prejudice. So much negativity. As a parent, there are two ways to respond to this. The first is to shelter your child and be over protective. To raise them in a bubble of positivity and under the rouse that everything is okay. But then, what happens when your child grows up and finds out that the world is nothing like you said? Trust gets broken, and your child’s view of the world gets scattered.
The second way to respond would be to rush your son or daughter’s childhood, and have them grow up quickly. To expose them to the world and all it has to offer with little to no explanation of what’s good and what’s not. But that’s not healthy either.
So, why not find a happy medium? To approach your parenting strategies with an open mind, and raise them to be well-rounded, balanced individuals. Your son or daughter has more years as an adult than they do a child, so let them live and enjoy both. Give them little bits of information at a time, and make sure they fully understand before imparting another piece. Raise them to see the world with a more accepting and tolerant view.
Putting it All Together
There’s a time and place for everything. Don’t hide the world from your children, but also don’t overwhelm them. Use age-appropriate language when they are curious and building their sense of perspective. Point out issues surrounding prejudice, and teach them how to see it through different eyes. Allow them to ask questions. Instruct them when and how to listen. Be patient and loving as they grow into their identity. Never cause them to feel ashamed or guilty.
Remember that behaviors are learned. Your children will learn to model and take after you. The more open minded you are, the more flexible, positive, accepting, patient, stable and open-minded they will be.
Top Tips for Successful Parenting
There are so many resources on the web today that will boast headlines of having the ultimate, best or top tips to successful parenting. Even our title has a similar feel. Unfortunately, there isn’t a “magical formula” that will transform you into a successful parent, and the above isn’t meant to be taken that way. Rather, it is here to provide some helpful tips. Any magic behind parenting is all about you, and how you’ve chosen to raise your kids.
Love your children, cherish your time with them, and be open to whatever happens. Life is a journey. Full of good and bad moments. Always remember that the true secret to successful parenting starts with you.
Adoption Choices of Nevada
If you are currently in the process of adopting a baby and have any questions or concerns, feel free to contact, Adoption Choices of Nevada. You may visit the website here or contact us by 775-825-4673 (Reno Office) or 702-474-4673 (Las Vegas Office). Our hours are Monday through Friday, 9am-5pm PST.
Support Adoption Choices
Adoption Choices, Inc. is partnering with Crowdrise, a fundraising website for nonprofits, to help our adoptive parents and birth parents with much needed financial assistance. We understand that expenses keep clients from fulfilling their dreams. Both with birth parents making a plan for adoption, and with adoptive parents growing their family. It is our mission to provide financial assistance through grants and scholarships, awarded annually in November, in honor of National Adoption Month. Funds assist adoptive parents with matching and placements, adoption finalization and helping birth mothers improve their lives through higher education — and much more.
However, we can’t do it alone. Please read up on our programs and donate money where you are able. Your donation will make a huge impact.
About the Author
Rachel Robertson is a published journalist, book editor, certified Publishing Specialist, and aspiring novelist. She graduated from Central Washington University (CWU) in March 2011, having found her writing voice within the Creative Nonfiction genre and grew to work as a freelance book editor for small presses all across the United States.
In June 2018, she embarked on an internship with Virginia Frank and came on board with Adoption Choices Inc., Not for Profit 501(c)(3), in December 2018. Between her mutual passion with adoption and surrogacy, and her own personal history with adoption, Rachel is excited to research and share topics each week that will spread awareness and better serve the faithful patrons of Adoption Choices Inc.
When Rachel isn’t haunting her local Starbucks or Barnes and Noble, she’s avidly pouring over her Writer’s Digest subscription or cozying up with a cup of tea and book. She currently resides in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her beloved wife and Border Collie.
Bradshaw, Stephen. “How to Raise an Open-Minded Child.” Motherly, Motherly, 12 June 2018, www.mother.ly/parenting/how-to-raise-an-open-minded-child.
DeVere, Chris. “Characteristics of Successful Adoptive Parents.” Families For Children – Characteristics of Successful Adoptive Parents., www.families4children.com/adopt_success.cfm.
“Open Adoption: 5 Must-Have Characteristics for Adoptive Parents.” National Registry for Embryo Adoption, 30 Nov. 2017, www.nrfa.org/characteristics-of-healthy-open-adoption/.
“Qualities of a Successful Adoptive Parent.” », 12 July 2017, www.mljadoptions.com/blog/qualities-successful-adoptive-parent-20170712.