By Mona Jradé

For birth parents, finding holiday joy and grief can be especially difficult at this time. On the one hand, you may have conflicting feelings of joy from celebrating the holiday season with family and friends. On the other hand, you may also experience grief from watching your child grow up in another family.

In an open adoption, birth parents (you) and adoptive parents have ongoing contact and communication and may have a similar relationship to that of extended family members. This can involve sharing holiday traditions and celebrations together.

If you are a birth parent in an open adoption, you may have the opportunity to participate in holiday traditions with the child and the adoptive family. This might involve spending time together on holiday, exchanging gifts, or sharing special meals or traditions.

It’s important to remember that every situation is unique, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It’s okay to feel a range of emotions, and it’s important to find a way to honor and celebrate the holiday in a way that feels right for you.

We’ll discuss how to navigate the holidays as a birth parent, including ways to stay connected with your child and the adoptive family and 3-5 meaningful holiday traditions you can share with them.

Some Traditions You Can Share With Your Child And Their Adoptive Parents

It’s understandable that you may have mixed feelings about holiday traditions and the child you gave up for adoption. It’s important to remember that every situation is unique, and there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this question.

Here are a few ideas for holiday traditions that you might consider, depending on your relationship with the child and the adoptive family:

Keep in touch through letters or cards

Sending holiday cards or letters to the child and adoptive family can be a way to stay connected and let them know that you are thinking of them. It can also be a way to share updates about your life and to let them know that you are still a part of their lives, even if you are not able to be together in person. 

When sending holiday cards or letters, it’s important to keep in mind the feelings and wishes of the adoptive family and the child. If you are unsure about how they would feel about receiving holiday cards or letters from you, it might be helpful to discuss it with them beforehand. You can also reach out to Adoption Nevada. We will help you figure out the best way to do it.

Consider creating a special holiday tradition just for you

Creating a special holiday tradition just for you can be a way to honor and remember the child you gave up for adoption, even if you are not able to celebrate the holiday together in person. This can be a particularly meaningful option if you are not in touch with the child or the adoptive family or if you prefer to have your own private way of honoring the holiday.

Here are a few ideas for special holiday traditions that you might consider:

1. Light a candle: You could light a candle on holiday as a way to honor and remember the child. You might also say a prayer or recite a special poem or passage.
2. Read a special book: Choose a book that has special meaning to you, and set aside time on the holiday to read it. This could be a way to create a sense of ritual and connection to the holiday.
3. Create a special holiday altar: Set up a small altar or shrine with items that have special meaning to you, such as photos, mementos, or objects that symbolize your relationship with the child.
4. Take a walk or go on a nature hike: Spending time in nature can be a peaceful and healing way to mark the holiday. You might consider taking a walk or going on a nature hike and finding a special spot where you can sit and reflect.

Remember, it’s important to find a holiday tradition that feels meaningful and comfortable for you. You might also find it helpful to seek support from a therapist or a support group as you navigate your feelings about the holiday and your relationship with the child you gave up for adoption.

Keep in touch with the adoptive family

If you have a good relationship with the adoptive family and feel comfortable doing so, you might consider reaching out to them to see if there are any holiday traditions that you can be a part of. This can be a way to stay connected with the child and to be a part of their holiday celebrations, even if you are not able to be with them in person.

Here are a few things to consider when reaching out to the adoptive family about holiday traditions:

Communicate openly and honestly: Let the adoptive family know your feelings and thoughts about being a part of holiday traditions. Be clear about what you are comfortable with, and be open to hearing their thoughts and feelings as well.

Respect the adoptive family’s boundaries: It’s important to remember that the adoptive family is the child’s primary family, and they may have their own traditions and ways of celebrating the holidays. Be willing to compromise and find a way to celebrate that works for everyone.

Consider the child’s feelings: Make sure to consider the child’s feelings and preferences when discussing holiday traditions. It’s important to make sure that the child is comfortable and happy with the arrangements.

Unwrapping Holiday Joy and Grief for Birth Parents: Remember Adoption Is An Act Of Love

Holidays are hard, but it’s important to remember that an adoption is an act of love. As a birth parent, you made the difficult decision to place your child for adoption because you believed it was the best option for them at the time. It’s natural to have mixed feelings about this decision and to experience a range of emotions around the holidays.

It can be helpful to remind yourself that you made the decision to place your child for adoption out of love and that the adoptive family is committed to providing a loving and nurturing environment for your child.

Reaching out to a therapist or a support group can be a helpful way to process your feelings and find ways to honor and celebrate the holiday in a way that is meaningful for you. If you are looking for support groups in Las Vegas or Nevada, you can reach out to us.

Adoption Choices of Nevada has been providing adoption and surrogacy services across Nevada since 2012. You can call us to speak to someone now. Contact Us 24/7: 855-940-4673 (Toll-Free) | 702-474-4673 (Las Vegas) | 775-825-4673 (Reno)